The first holidays after a separation can bring up more than memories. They can bring up conflict. Co-parenting during the holidays means juggling schedules, expectations, and emotions while keeping things steady for your kids. The good news: with a clear plan and calm communication, this season can feel peaceful, not chaotic.
Download the free Holiday Addendum Checklist (below) to map out your holiday schedule before the rush begins.
1. Start the Holiday Conversation Early, and in Writing
Reach out to your co-parent 4 to 6 weeks before the first holiday. Waiting until Thanksgiving week almost guarantees stress. Text or email works fine, and putting plans in writing keeps you both accountable, prevents “he said, she said” arguments, and creates a record if you ever need one. A shared calendar or co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents keeps dates and exchanges visible to both of you.
2. Focus on Your Kids’ Experience, Not the Clock
It’s easy to slip into “my time” versus “your time.” But holidays are about memories, not minutes. Ask what matters most to your kids, like a special breakfast or a gathering with one side of the family. Aim for stability, not perfect balance. Minnesota courts make parenting decisions based on the child’s best interests, so keeping your plans child-centered also keeps them on solid ground.
3. Stay Flexible, but Keep a Clear Baseline Plan
Snowstorms, flight delays, and last-minute work calls happen. Flexibility helps, but it shouldn’t create uncertainty. Your plan should include:
- Exact start and end times for each holiday
- Backup options if plans fall through
- Written confirmation for any changes
The Holiday Addendum Checklist walks you through each of these, step by step.
4. Keep Emotions Out of the Logistics
When tension runs high, even neutral messages can feel loaded. Stick to the facts (“Pickup is at 5 p.m. at school”), skip the history, and avoid sarcasm or long emotional texts. Before you hit send, ask yourself: would I be comfortable if a judge read this out loud?
5. Plan for Extended Family and Travel
Grandparents, aunts, and cousins often want their time too. Before the season starts, talk through:
- Which family events matter most to each side
- How much notice you’ll give for out-of-town travel, and how you’ll share itineraries
- Whether new partners will be part of gatherings this year
Settling these early prevents last-minute guilt trips and keeps the focus on your kids’ comfort.
6. Have a Holiday Reset Plan for Disagreements
Even good plans hit bumps. A reset plan is how you’ll handle disputes without derailing the season. It might include making up missed time later (in writing), using a neutral mediator for quick disagreements, or scheduling a check-in after the holidays to adjust for next year.
Minnesota courts expect parents to try to work things out first. Under Minnesota’s family court rules, most family law cases go through mediation or another form of alternative dispute resolution before a judge decides. Courts can’t require it when a parent reports domestic abuse. FairWell Mediation can help you work through sticking points without going to court.
7. Keep Your Kids Out of the Middle
Even a small comment like “I wish I had you longer” can leave kids feeling guilty. Let them enjoy both homes without feeling torn. Simple reassurance, like “You’re loved in both homes,” goes a long way toward easing holiday anxiety.
Ready for a Calmer Holiday Season?
Johnson/Turner has helped Minnesota families with parenting time arrangements since 2003. It’s not too late to make this year peaceful and predictable.
- Download the free Holiday Addendum Checklist and use it to draft your holiday plan.
- Share your draft with your co-parent early, before the holiday rush.
- Decide whether to keep it informal or file it with the court.
- Book a guidance call with our team. We’ll review your draft, fill in legal gaps, and help with filing if you need it, all with transparent flat-fee pricing.
The best gift you can give your kids this year isn’t under the tree. It’s a season free from conflict.
Holiday Co-Parenting FAQ
When should co-parents start planning for the holidays? Ideally 4 to 6 weeks before the first holiday. Starting early gives you time to agree on details, or to get help if you can’t.
What if our custody order doesn’t clearly cover holidays? You can create a holiday addendum that spells out dates, times, and exchanges. Keep it as a signed agreement between you, or file it with the court so it’s enforceable. Minnesota law also lets either parent ask the court to include a specific holiday and school break schedule in the parenting time order.
