Holidays after separation or divorce can stir up more than just memories — they can stir up conflict.
Co-parenting during the holidays means juggling emotions, expectations, and schedules — all while trying to keep things peaceful for your kids.

The good news? With the right approach (and clear communication), your holidays can actually feel calm, not chaotic.

Whether you have a formal custody order or just a verbal plan, these simple communication strategies can make all the difference for Minnesota co-parents.

1. Start Talking Early — and in Writing

It’s never too early to start the holiday conversation. Waiting until Thanksgiving week to talk about plans is a recipe for stress.

Reach out 4–6 weeks before the first holiday, ideally in writing — text or email works fine. Written communication helps:

• • Keep both parents accountable

  • Prevent “he said / she said” arguments later

  • Create a clear paper trail if you ever need to reference it

💡 Tip: Use a shared calendar app or co-parenting tool (like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents) to keep dates and exchanges visible to both of you.

2. Focus on the Kids’ Experience, Not the Clock

It’s easy to fall into “my time” vs. “your time.” But the holidays aren’t about minutes — they’re about memories.

When planning parenting time:

• • Ask what’s most meaningful for your kids (maybe a special breakfast tradition or attending church with both sides).

  • Remember that the goal is stability, not perfect balance.

  • Try not to compete over “who gets Christmas morning.” Focus instead on quality time that works for everyone.

In Minnesota, courts prioritize the child’s best interests — not the parents’ convenience. Keeping your discussions child-centered goes a long way in avoiding unnecessary conflict.

3. Be Flexible — But Set Boundaries

Life happens: snowstorms, travel delays, last-minute work calls. A little flexibility helps everyone.
However, flexibility shouldn’t mean uncertainty.

✅ Be clear about the baseline plan — exact start and end times.
✅ Agree on backup options if plans fall through.
✅ Avoid making changes on the fly without written confirmation.

If you’re updating or clarifying your holiday schedule this year, our Holiday Parenting-Time Checklist can help you map it all out.

4. Keep Emotions Out of Logistics

When tensions are high, even neutral messages can feel loaded.
If communication tends to get heated, try these strategies:

• • Stick to the facts. (“Pickup is at 5 p.m. at the school”)

  • Avoid blame or history. (“We agreed last week — can we confirm that plan?”)

  • Use a neutral tone and avoid sarcasm or long emotional texts.

💬 Pro tip: Before sending a message, reread it and ask, “Would I be okay if a judge read this aloud in court?”

5. Plan for Extended Family — Without the Power Struggles

Grandparents, aunts, and cousins often want “their time” too, which can complicate things fast.
Before the season starts, discuss expectations about:

• • Family visits and events — which ones matter most to each side.

  • Out-of-state travel — how much notice is required and how details are shared.

  • New partners — whether introductions or combined gatherings are appropriate this year.

Being proactive helps avoid last-minute guilt trips and keeps the focus on your children’s comfort.

6. Have a Holiday “Reset Plan”

Even with the best communication, surprises happen. A “reset plan” is your backup for how you’ll handle disputes or emergencies.

That might include:

• • Using a neutral mediator or parenting coordinator for quick disputes.

  • Agreeing to make up missed time later (in writing).

  • Scheduling a quick check-in after the holidays to adjust for next year.

Our Holiday Parenting-Time Tune-Up session can help you put these “what-ifs” in writing, so small hiccups don’t turn into big conflicts.

Minnesota Perspective: Communication Matters Most

Minnesota family courts consistently encourage cooperative communication between parents.
In fact, judges often order mediation before hearing holiday parenting-time disputes.
That means — if you can communicate effectively now — you’ll save yourself both stress and court time later.

7. Keep the Kids Out of the Middle

Even subtle comments like “I wish I had you longer” can make kids feel guilty.
Let them enjoy both homes without feeling torn.
Simple reassurances — “You’re loved in both homes” — go a long way toward reducing their anxiety during the holidays.

Ready to Create a Smoother Season?

It’s not too late to make this year’s holidays peaceful and predictable.

1. Download the Informal Holiday Addendum Checklist – use it to guide you as you draft your own informal holiday addendum.
2. Share the draft with your co-parent early, and agree on terms before the holiday season rush.
3. Decide whether to keep it informal or file with the court (your upgrade path)
4. Book a guidance call with us — we’ll review your draft, fill in legal gaps, and help with filing if needed.

Because the best gift you can give your kids this year isn’t under the tree — it’s a season free from conflict.