When navigating a custody dispute in Minnesota, one of the most common—and emotionally charged—questions we hear at Johnson/Turner is: Does my child get to choose who they want to live with? And for grandparents or other loved ones asking: Do I have any custody rights at all?

Let’s break down these questions using direct insight from our legal team. Here’s what Minnesota parents and third parties need to know.

Can a Child Choose Who They Want to Live With?

In short: not exactly.

“To be honest, no. There is too much that goes into it for the child’s preference to be the silver bullet, so if a kid is expressing a preference, you do NOT take that and run with it,” says Amanda Johnson, Paralegal Manager at Johnson Turner.

Minnesota law emphasizes keeping children with their parents whenever possible. While a child’s voice can matter, it’s just one of 12 “best interest” factors considered in custody cases. Attorney Brad Palmer elaborates:

“In a custody or parenting time issue, a child’s opinion is just one of twelve best interest factors… none of the factors are created equal, but are analyzed as a whole.”

When Does a Child’s Opinion Matter?

There’s no magic age where a child’s preference becomes decisive, but older teens (around 16) are more likely to be taken seriously—especially if their views are shared by a neutral third party.

“Judges are oftentimes more inclined to take the opinions of kids who are around 16ish… but usually they will not have a child actually testify,” notes attorney, Shannon Wachter.

Courts are extremely cautious not to put children in the middle of the conflict. Brad Palmer mentions how “putting your child in a position where they are ‘choosing’ between the most important people in their lives is the worst thing a parent can do. Kids are easily manipulated and implicitly want to impress their parents, so it gets tough.”

Instead, evaluators, therapists, or guardians ad litem are often used to bring a child’s voice forward in a way that is healthy and trauma-informed.

“If anything, you want to bring in an experienced third party to be the messenger of that preference, and keep the child far away from the stand,” advises Amanda Johnson.

What About Grandparents or Third Parties?

When neither parent is fit—or in rare cases involving death, abuse, or neglect—third parties may be able to step in. But even then, full custody rights are hard to obtain.

“The court would prefer the child to stay with the family rather than sending them into the system, but typically, cases where grandparents get full custody are rare,” says Shannon Wachter.

Brad Palmer furthers this claim: “For an interested third party to receive custody, there are factors that qualify you which must be proved, as well as proving that the new arrangement is in the best interests of the child. Finally, you must be sure you do not meet any standards that would disqualify you as a candidate for custody.”

There is a legal path for visitation through Minnesota’s grandparents visitation statute. This allows for continued contact even if custody isn’t awarded.

“They have rights even if the parent isn’t provably unfit… and even if the grandparents are not in contact with the parent, they will be entitled to reasonable visitation rights to the grandchild”, notes Amanda Johnson.

How Courts Protect the Child’s Well-Being

Minnesota courts consistently place child well-being above all else. That’s why most judges prefer a neutral party or evaluation to communicate a child’s wishes rather than hearing directly from the child.

Shannon Wachter notes that “Most of the time, courts do not want to drag children into litigation, as there is a lot of trauma that stems from a child’s preference being used as a primary factor.” Brad Palmer backs this, saying that “the court does not want to see a parent force their kid to have parental authority, and it is important to know that going in.”

If a child’s input is necessary—such as in cases of serious abuse—professional evaluation is critical.

“Only in cases of serious abuse where the testimony is necessary would the child’s voice really be crucial”, claims Amanda Johnson. Shannon Wachter also mentions, “if this is the case, it is recommended to get that child into therapy to deal with the emotional fallout”.

Final Thoughts: Let the Professionals Be Their Voice

Whether you’re a parent in the middle of a custody dispute or a grandparent seeking a connection with your grandchild, the message from Minnesota courts is clear: Protect the child’s peace first.

“Typically, the court would order that an evaluator comes in and interviews the child, and they can make trained inferences about when kids are competent witnesses…. the bottom line is the court wants to protect the relationships for the child, and in doing so, they will not take their preferences as complete fact.” says Brad Palmer.

At Johnson/Turner, we’re here to guide you through this complex process with clarity and compassion. Let us help you protect what matters most.